GRAMMAR NAZI ALERT

I feel a rant coming on. No one's going to read all of this, and I probably won't have any friends anymore, but I can't stop it.

You know what really freaking irritates me? When I see things that are for sale, like t-shirts or posters or whatever, with SPELLING ERRORS ON THEM. Especially handmade things, because then it's like, what, you just didn't check before you printed up the t-shirt? Just assumed you were right and went ahead and made it? I mean, really, if you're trying to SELL SOMETHING to people, you'd think you'd want to get it right. =/

Also really annoying - when people misuse apostrophes. I'm not talking about not doing contractions wrong, which is ALSO also really annoying; no, I mean when someone shortens a word and puts an apostrophe at the end of it for no reason. Example:

"You" to "ya" is a new word entirely, not half a word or two words smashed together.
"Want to" to "wanna" is a new word entirely. It's slang, not a contraction.
NEITHER OF THESE NEED APOSTROPHES.

And it's annoying enough to see "When are ya' coming over?" but when I see "When are ya' comin over?" my vision fades to red and I just start banging my head against the desk. APOSTROPHES AREN'T THAT HARD. Seriously, here are the basic rules of apostrophes:

1) Contractions, which are SPECIFICALLY these formats: "can not" to "can't," "will not" to "won't," "you are" to "you're," "she is" to "she's." Obviously there are more contractions than these, but these are examples of the format. We all know the contractions, but we don't all know how to use them, apparently.
2) To show possession. This is admittedly a little tricky, especially with names that end in s. "Erin's book." "Kelly's room." "Chris' problems," SINGULAR. NOW, if it's a name that ends in s and there are TWO of them, it would be "That's the Chris's problem now." Some grammarians say that it doesn't matter which you use, as long as you're consistent.
3) To shorten words. 'Cause. Goin'. These are the proper ways of shortening words - if you are simply taking off a letter or two and not adding any more, you can tack on an apostrophe.

Chris' comment shows he doesn't understand what I'm sayin'. SEE. It's EASY.


And another thing, just because it irritates me to no end:
YOUR = POSSESSIVE. Your book. Your shoe.
YOU'RE = CONTRACTION FOR "YOU ARE." You're crazy. You're wrong.
If YOU'RE not saying "you are," leave the apostrophe out of YOUR word.

There = a place. Over there. There it is.
Their = possessive, belonging to people who are not you or me. It's theirs.
They're = a contraction for "they are." They're going. They're with me.
THEY'RE going to get THEIR books from over THERE. "The" is always first no matter which one it is.

THESE ARE NOT THAT HARD, WHY DO PEOPLE GET THEM WRONG?

I'm not trying to be stuck up here or anything, but SERIOUSLY. This is our NATIVE LANGUAGE. We've all been speaking it since we were like, two or three, at least. There is no excuse, short of a mental handicap, for not knowing the basic rules of spelling and grammar. I mean, really, they haven't changed for a while. And I'm not talking about hard stuff, I'm talking about CONTRACTIONS and HOMOPHONES.

I find it particularly delicious and hilarious when I see something like this on Facebook:

"i shouldnt have to press 1 for englihs, your in AMERICA, learn the language!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Oh, I love it when people do things like this. XD Except for the blatant disregard for all rules of capitalization, spelling, and punctuation. Three exclamation points, MAX, guys. But really, the fact that they're saying "learn the language" in English that is ENTIRELY WRONG, oh, it just makes the evil part of me laugh and laugh. And then I get really scared because what if one of these people is in charge of something important? They can't even spell the name of our language, how are they going to do anything else? Then my brain and my heart huddle together and have a good cry, while the evil part of me is still snickering away.

tl;dr version: LEARN ENGLISH AND USE IT PROPERLY. There's no excuse not to, and people won't make fun of you and call you an idiot if you can speak your OWN FREAKING LANGUAGE. Well, they might, but it'll probably happen less.

Exciting new project! GOAL ACCOMPLISHMENT!

A little over a year ago, I made a list of 102 goals I wanted to accomplish in my life. Some were short-term or of indeterminate deadlines, like learning a new language or finishing at Tech; and some were longer term, like living in NYC for a while or being a vegetarian for a year. After a year, I've crossed off 12 of my goals:

19. Write a speech.
20. Give it!
35. Get my chest tattoo.
39. Protest something.
47. Buy a new car.
50. Be nicer in my day-to-day life.
54. Sow sunshine - plant sunflowers!
55. Take a random road trip.
57. Try Thai food.
67. Dumpster dive!
98. Save a life.
100. Try a new food every month.

So you can see the variety in my goals. There are four languages, three instruments, two sports, two dances, three body mods, and more writing goals than you can shake a stick at. And this would all be well and good except... well, I suck at keeping up with things. This is how it usually goes for me:

DAY ONE OF NEW LIFE-CHANGING GOAL ACHIEVEMENT CHALLENGE!
Me: I'm SO PUMPED for this new goal! My life is going to be TOTALLY AWESOME when I lose weight/write a book in 30 days/learn to play guitar/make a dress/become a vegetarian! I'm totally doing it!

DAY FOUR OF NLCGAC!
Me: I am SO GOOD AT THIS. I've totally stuck to my goals and am going to CHANGE MY LIFE. Whoooo!

DAY FIVE OF NLCGAC!
Me: Whoops, I overslept/am too busy/really wanted a soda/am sick/stupid excuses. Guess I'll start over tomorrow!

DAY SIX OF NLCGAC!
Me: What is the point? Everything I try to do is stupid and I always fail and I can't do anything right. I might as well eat a whole pan of brownies/sleep 18 hours a day/waste my life on YouTube/quit school and my job because I SUCK AND WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.

DAY ONE OF MY FAILURE AT EVERYTHING!
All of my friends and family: So how's that thing you were doing coming along?
Me: ... yeah, I had to quit that.

DAY ONE OF NEW LIFE-CHANGING GOAL ACCOMPLISHING CHALLENGE, FOR REAL THIS TIME!
Me: THIS TIME I'M SERIOUS. I'm going to TOTALLY win! I CAN DO IT!

Et cetera.


So, I'm total crap at accomplishing things, but that was what this summer was supposed to be about - I'm jobless, I'm not in school for three months, I've got all this free time, so I was going to spend it improving myself and doing things to make me happier. And as of halfway through July, I HAVE TOTALLY FAILED. :D Big surprise!

And that, dear bloggy blog, is where you come in. I am going to BLOG MY WAY TO SUCCESS. :D I figure with an audience/people who will be disappointed if I fail, I will have incentive OTHER than me just wanting it to happen. Also, as an added bonus, IF I FAIL, YOU GET TO PUNISH ME! :D If I state a clear goal, like "I want to weigh 30 lbs by July 23" (only more realistic than that, obvs) and I don't win, you, my dear readers, will be able to submit punishments and vote on the ones you like the most. Obviously they will have to be non-lethal, legal things, but humiliating and gross and painful are okay. :D DOESN'T THAT SOUND FUN.

So here's how it's going to work.
* I have 50 goals on my list (I trimmed some from my original list - things like "go to Europe" and "live in NYC for a while," things that are unachievable right now), excluding the two that won't be completed until next summer.
* There are 24 weeks until the end of the year (what?! When did that happen?), so if I can manage to accomplish a few goals every two weeks, because some of them are one-shots ("try Greek food") and some will take some time ("learn some German"), I think I can wipe out all 50 goals.
* I will put deadlines on them, and will update each Saturday to announce the new goals and deadlines, and to report on my progress. Pictures, if applicable, will be provided to prove it, but I am HEREBY SWEARING to tell you the truth. I will not pretend to have accomplished something if I haven't really done it. You have my word. As Gaga is my witness, my hand on the complete Harry Potter series, I will be entirely honest about my success or failure.
* If I fail to reach my goal, be it through laziness or forgetfulness (although if there is some circumstance beyond my control, we will have to come to an agreement about whether I should be punished or if there should be an extension), you may suggest punishments in the comments, and vote on the best one. I will then make a video or take a picture or make a post of whatever the punishment is and upload it to YouTube or this blog for alllll the world to see.
* If I succeed at completing all 50 goals by December 31, 2010... well, something cool will happen. I'll need suggestions on rewards or something awesome to do.

This week's goals will be starting small, and the deadline for the first three is next Saturday:
2) Leave Post-Its with happy messages on them everywhere I go this week! (something I've been wanting to do for a long time, akin to PostSecret, only with happy messages instead of secrets) This will be especially exciting since I am going on a ~*ROAD TRIP*~ this week. :D
3) Give 10 random people a small present or a card. ALSO EXCITING BECAUSE OF THE ~*ROAD TRIP!*~
44) Tweet a random fact every day. (Ongoing, but as long as I do it for a week, this will be counted as complete.) People who don't follow me on Twitter will be able to see my Tweets in the sidebar! <<< It's over there.
31) AND SUPER BONUS GOAL OF ONGOING DOOM: Lose 80 lbs by Halloween, 2010. This will be the big one, the hardest one, the one I most want to accomplish. I think if I manage this, I should get something special. :D We'll see. As far as progress goes, I will be aiming to go to the gym thrice a week and weighing in every Friday night. As far as punishment goes - if I fail to weigh in, no big deal. IF I FAIL TO GO TO THE GYM TWICE, meaning if I only go once a week or don't go at all, I GET PUNISHED. So starting tomorrow, I have to go to the gym three times this week, or next Saturday you guys get to fill the comments with delightful punishments.

SO THAT'S IT! Goals are programmed into my phone to remind me, all the rules are laid out in this uber-long complicated post, and we're off! Leave me your thoughts, feedback, reward ideas, whatever in the comments, and hey - tell your friends/family/coworkers/people in Starbucks/favorite waitress about this! I need all the support I can get, and the more people suggesting punishments, the more fun it will be! So pass the link around, and help me get myself in gear and finally cross some things off this darn list! :D